-
87% of all statistics are made up on the spot
-
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
-
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days
you're the statue.
-
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
-
Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls
cannot walk!
-
Bills Go through the mail faster than checks
-- Jeff
-
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-
Crowded elevator smells different to
midget
-
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it
remains so popular?
-
Don't anger me, I'm running out of places to hide the
bodies
-
Don't treat me any different then you would the queen.
-
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody
listens.
-
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have
film.
-
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise
man give wife upright organ.
-
God made us sisters; Prozac made us
friends. -- Kathy
-
Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls
go everywhere. --
Courtney
-
Governments philosophy: If it ain't broken, fix it
till it is
-
Gravity is a myth...the earth really sucks!
-
He who farts on fire gets burnt ass
-
He who fishes in other man's well often
catches crabs
-
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
-
Heaven won't accept me. Hell's
afraid I'll take over. --
Courtney
-
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically
challenged.
-
House without toilet is uncanny
-
I am in no shape to exercise.
-
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
universe
-
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar
territory.
-
I love my country but fear my government
-
I smile and pretend I understand what you're saying.
-
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of
it.
-
I'd rather be playing Quidditch --
Jeff
-
I'm not short, I'm just vertically challenged.
-
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your
style. --
funstun.com
-
If mean people suck....then nice people swallow!
-
If you can read this then I'm missing a caravan
-
If you love something - set it free.
If it doesn't come back hunt it down and shoot it.
-
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
-
It takes many nails to build crib, but
one screw to fill it
-
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer
in rats.
-
Jesus Saves!
By clipping coupons and shopping
wisely!
-
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all
fall off.
-
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75%
of the world's population.
-
Looking for your cat? Look
under my tires.
-
Lorraina Bobbit for Whitehouse Intern
-
My child beat the crap out of your honors student at
[school name here]
-
My Child Was Inmate of the Month at [fill in
correctional institute of your choice]
-
My karma ran over my dogma
-
My Other Car is a Broom --
Jeff
-
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
-
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
-
Panties not best thing on earth, but
next to it.
-
Passionate kiss like spider's web soon
lead to undoing of fly.
-
Proud parent of an Honor
Student at Hogwarts -- Jeff
-
Rehab is for quitters.
-
Save a Tree, Eat A Beaver
-
Save the Roaches
-
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
-
Stupidity should be painful.
-
That was Zen, this is Tao
-
The main cause of divorce is
marriage. -- Jan
-
The voices told me to stay at home and clean my guns
-
They
say money can't buy happiness! But it can
buy you things that make you happy!!
-
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
don't.
-
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot
again.
-
Virginity like bubble. One prick - all
gone!
-
War doesn't determine who's right. War
determines who's left.
-
What a tangled World Wide Web we weave --
dtabone@yahoo.com
-
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
-
Why have a six pack when you can have a barrel --
Rima
-
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon
find him in cathouse.
-
Witches Parking Only, all others will be TOAD
-- Jeff
-
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
-
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say
will be misquoted, then used against you.
-
You're
just jealous because the little voices only talk to me.
-
Your gene pool needs chlorine.
